Product 2.0 – Fix you shall, fix you must!
Disclaimer: This article is a piece of fiction, and captures a dialogue between a keen developer and the Lord-of-All-Softwares. All resemblances - existing, running or obsolete - are just a coincidence!
My attempt on reflecting about software life cycle turned into dreams one fine Sunday afternoon. I saw a land where life was perfect: software was bug free, components were fully defined and functional, code was properly commented, quality was free, requirements were met, and customers were delighted and not just satisfied. Wow, life is so good in dreams and fantasies!!!
I worked on and on and on and came up with this ultimate utopic Product 2.0 and wished my Lord to appear.
He sure did from behind the mirror as soon as I wished...
Me: Product 2.0, my Lord!
Lord: So I see my child, it looks good from the covers, but why is it double in size now? It will take me three hours to install this thing, while the earlier version got installed in 10 minutes. How did you manage to achieve that?
Me: Err, I see... but my Lord, it's worth all the wait… it's better, faster, and fully equipped with brilliant features. I am sure the customers are going to love it if they have a faster processor, more memory, a little more patience, and a lot more faith... and faith is what we need in this world, don't we!
Lord: Well that’s what you wish. Why on earth would customers replace their machines for running this beta which won’t install even after a seven course dinner? All those
extra weeks…and the moving deadlines... for this? No, no, tell me something else.
Me: But I have fixed the architecture that was created years ago and now was almost failing!!
Lord: Their quest was harder than yours! They worked hard to create it, you just had to fix it and not create regressions in the already ‘working’ software. This 2.0 will give a memory error thirty times a day.
Me: So now you want me to fix the fixes? That's not fair.
Have some mercy my Lord!
Lord: Fair? and Mercy?? Mercy is for poor people. You have sold your soul completely to the giant in the northwest. You deserve all this. From now on, life for you is about running in circles, mostly getting no where!
In girum imus nocte et consumimur igni!
Me: Running in circles? How many times, my Lord?
Lord: Once more, like always, my child!
For your life will not be measured by Springs and Autumns you live through but by number of patches you do. Have you forgotten the dll hell?
Me: No my Lord. My intent is to give you a perfect software.
Lord: Never run for perfection. No one but me can do that. The users do not care about perfection. You just need to meet what they require.
Me: But my Lord, no one ever told us what the user requirements are.
Lord: Look into the eyes of customers. The requirements are what have not been met. Achieve what has not been achieved. I just wanted you to make the customer happy and your Product 2.0 will take a lifetime to install, make them call the Technical Support all the time, and give unidentified memory errors!! Is this your standard of happiness?
Me: Release it my Lord. Get it to launch and everything would be fine!
Lord: Go away and come back later!
I took my product and fixed back to try fixing the already fixed unfixable fixes. Just then, I heard a swooshing voice from the mirror.
Cheer up, for fix you shall, and fix you must. So fix your fixation in fixes!
My attempt on reflecting about software life cycle turned into dreams one fine Sunday afternoon. I saw a land where life was perfect: software was bug free, components were fully defined and functional, code was properly commented, quality was free, requirements were met, and customers were delighted and not just satisfied. Wow, life is so good in dreams and fantasies!!!
I worked on and on and on and came up with this ultimate utopic Product 2.0 and wished my Lord to appear.
He sure did from behind the mirror as soon as I wished...
Me: Product 2.0, my Lord!
Lord: So I see my child, it looks good from the covers, but why is it double in size now? It will take me three hours to install this thing, while the earlier version got installed in 10 minutes. How did you manage to achieve that?
Me: Err, I see... but my Lord, it's worth all the wait… it's better, faster, and fully equipped with brilliant features. I am sure the customers are going to love it if they have a faster processor, more memory, a little more patience, and a lot more faith... and faith is what we need in this world, don't we!
Lord: Well that’s what you wish. Why on earth would customers replace their machines for running this beta which won’t install even after a seven course dinner? All those
extra weeks…and the moving deadlines... for this? No, no, tell me something else.
Me: But I have fixed the architecture that was created years ago and now was almost failing!!
Lord: Their quest was harder than yours! They worked hard to create it, you just had to fix it and not create regressions in the already ‘working’ software. This 2.0 will give a memory error thirty times a day.
Me: So now you want me to fix the fixes? That's not fair.
Have some mercy my Lord!
Lord: Fair? and Mercy?? Mercy is for poor people. You have sold your soul completely to the giant in the northwest. You deserve all this. From now on, life for you is about running in circles, mostly getting no where!
In girum imus nocte et consumimur igni!
Me: Running in circles? How many times, my Lord?
Lord: Once more, like always, my child!
For your life will not be measured by Springs and Autumns you live through but by number of patches you do. Have you forgotten the dll hell?
Me: No my Lord. My intent is to give you a perfect software.
Lord: Never run for perfection. No one but me can do that. The users do not care about perfection. You just need to meet what they require.
Me: But my Lord, no one ever told us what the user requirements are.
Lord: Look into the eyes of customers. The requirements are what have not been met. Achieve what has not been achieved. I just wanted you to make the customer happy and your Product 2.0 will take a lifetime to install, make them call the Technical Support all the time, and give unidentified memory errors!! Is this your standard of happiness?
Me: Release it my Lord. Get it to launch and everything would be fine!
Lord: Go away and come back later!
I took my product and fixed back to try fixing the already fixed unfixable fixes. Just then, I heard a swooshing voice from the mirror.
Cheer up, for fix you shall, and fix you must. So fix your fixation in fixes!
Comments
This sentence is a riddle in the form of a palindrome -- literally a puzzle inside a puzzle. This particular sentence is called 'the devil's verse', which means we enter the circle after dark and are consumed by fire.
We should have this posted on Zoomio Wall.